Saturday, December 01, 2007
decided to post before watching animation... after work went for cg meeting, glad that i am able to skip the meeting cause if not i will be super later for cg! tomorrow off for me!
~~~~~~~have decided to write this, have taken the courage to! if i have hurt you, i guess it cannot be mend with my words, actions and efforts... cause there will always be a mark there, so deep no matter what... that to you! i only want to say I'm sorry... we cant get back to the past where we were so happy, joking around and everything else so perfect... cause no matter what, there a scar and stain in our friendship. no matter how much i treasure the friendship, i guess i have to let it go...
how does it prove that i really treasure the friendship? everything may be fake, the only things left is my tears, which is true... which you cannot see... in the night, when everybody is sleeping, I'm troubled and at the same time crying... i guess i am used to it, cause it has accompany me through the night when i am sleeping... everything may be fake, only that is real, this is the only proof that i can tell you how much i treasure the friendship...
you ask me why i never talk to you sometimes? why will i have expectation of you? cause i treat you as my brother, that make you as the same level as hongbin if you know him... the greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment, if you know what this sentences meant... i expect you to be there for me when i am sad but you are not, when i need encouragement, it is not you who encourage me... what more, you use vulgarities in our friendship... if you accidentally said it and don't mean it, i don't mind... but the tone of your vulgarities seem serious, and it doesn't seems you just say it out of fun... i saw in your msn nick the other day, if you still remember...
maybe i shouldn't treat you as one of my close friend at first cause if i just treat you as my normal friend, i will not have any expectation of you... and all this will not happen... it because i treat you as my close friend(brother), i get disappointed! what you said is correct, all this is started by me!
so i decided to treat you as one of my normal friend, colleague... during the conversation in msn we had yesterday, i said i treat you not as a brother but as a working friend, if you still remember... i also said that i wanna go genting not because of you, but because of iris... cause she persuaded me to go, partially i also want to go... but i guess you misunderstand what i am talking, you said something like you go, i don't like it, then don't go... actually i don't mind going to genting, but when you say that in msn... i sms iris that i has something on that day, and i cant go genting le... it all a misunderstanding and you end the conversation by saying what i have nothing to talk to you le, tc... since you end le, what more can i say? even i still have alot of things to say to you...
why sometime i never talk to you? cause you got so many people to talk to, when i wanted to talk to you, it seem that most of the time you are with other people chatting around... you don't know cause only the people who are seeing this from outside knows only... when i want to talk to you, you are not here, when you want to talk to me, i am not there for you... maybe this is called 2 people living in 2 different world... same people but living in different world...
maybe i should just have listened to hongbin and ah kai that time... if i listened to them, maybe all this will never happen and i will not be so sad... but i chose to believe in you, and i didn't listen to them... this is what i get for making the decision my own! but i never blame anyone... it my own decision even it may not be the best decision...
yes, i know i am emotional, but i will not be led by my feeling anymore... maybe i have learnt from it! you may dislike or hate me, i can do nothing about it, i will let this friendship go if there is really nothing we can do about it... i have used all the simple words in this post... and once again i am sorry for causing these to happen, and there will not be any of these things happening in the future again cause i don't want to experience it again, i am drain and i know you are... you still left 14days, enjoy every single one of them and have fun in genting... with this i will close... take care!~~~~~~~
Above Posted At 12:29 AM
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